Beaten but Restorable (Psalm 51)

If you have read any of my posts before, you will have noticed that I haven't blogged in years, literally.  Lack of desire?  Not really.  Lack of time?  Getting there.  Sure, I could blame it to my lack of time.  I work 60-70 hours a week and I honestly love every minute of it.  Most of my time is devoted professionally to data gathering and report generation of healthcare information.  You will find me digging in the data trenches and then coming out later to mingle and consult with executive leadership on designs and models to help patients and providers have more successful health experiences and outcomes.  Another portion of my week is devoted to leadership at our local church.  I serve as a worship leader - and also at present, a deacon - and enjoy finding new ways to bring excellence to our corporate worship.  The fellowship of the congregation and musicians is most attractive and encouraging as well.  Finally, I am a hobby baker.  I love to put an apron on, create flavorful cakes, and wrap them up in exquisite ways to express their great taste.

I enjoy all of these things and more: being a husband, father, chef, 'school bus driver' - carpooling driver really...

At the same time, I have a supportive and ambitious wife who works as critical care nurse and is pursuing her graduate degree to become a nurse practitioner.  She is in her last year of the program - the most stressful year - and many of her days consist of homework, work, clinicals, homework, clinicals, work...and on it goes.  Somewhere, she finds a way to squeeze in sleep.  Rarely do we know when or how good her rest will be.

So, I admit, time is not a commodity we have.  I'm also sure you can say the same thing for yourselves.  But, that is not an excuse for being lazy or complacent about our God.  I admit that I have tried too much to trust in my wife to fill me up, but she should not be the ultimate source of my joy...only my God can do that.  He is the only one who can provide the guidance, the fuel to move, the passion to lead with integrity.  He is the I AM.  

So, I attempt to write again, to keep myself accountable to reading His word and to seek after Him as my source, strength, the Wonderful Counselor.  May these writings, how frequent or infrequent they come, encourage and stir you to seek Him as well.

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Recently, I was asked to lead bible study/prayer time at our local church.  As always, I was humbled. But today, defeated.  I am not worthy.

Then Psalm 51 comes to mind.  What is so important about Psalm 51?  I am drawn to king David in the Old Testament for many reasons, but let me name two: (1) he was a worship leader - and through the guidance of the Holy Spirit - he penned much of the songs of praise, lament, adoration, trust...to our God, and (2) he was a man who could not discard his sin nor his desire to sin.  Psalm 51 is David's lament and plead for forgiveness for sinning against God with such atrocity: adultery and murder.  Yes, we are talking about the same David who is called a 'man after God's own heart'.  If this happened today, wouldn't we throw him out?  Wouldn't we hurl insults and shame his way?  Wouldn't we discard the hymns and anthems he has previously penned and raised before the Lord?

In our hearts...we would feel justified to respond that way...and I would be the first to cast the stone at him.  My heart would be torn and shattered at the thought.  "You call yourself a man after God?!  God is not in you!!"

...

And, yet, God desires David.  Surely God is Just.  Miraculously, though, He longs to forgive and provide restoration.  If God is truly the God of the impossible, I certainly believe God's character is also irrevocably marvelous and impossible even more to understand.

David's heart grieves with bitter tears in Psalm 51...
..."Have mercy on me, O God"
..."my sin is always before me"
..."cleanse me with hyssop", which is a reference to the hyssop first used to cover the door posts with lambs' blood at Passover
..."create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me"
..."do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me"

And, then, something beautiful happens.  God reveals his forgiveness in a way that is indescribable:
..."You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise."

Why?  Why does God not despise David?  Is it for the same reason that when a friend of mine aches, grieves, sobs bitterly, that I am drawn to comfort them?  Is this act of selfless care not also a part of His character, as we are also made in His likeness?  God could have certainly discarded David from the ultimate plan.  It wouldn't make Him unjust or unloving.  He is certainly sovereign.  Yet, He still forgives, and forgives, and forgives...infinitely. Nearly 70 times, Scripture refers to the number '70' and so when a Jew, Peter, asked Jesus "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?  Up to seven times?"  Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:21,22)

Certainly, if God wants us to forgive our brother or sister that many times - how exhausting would that be?! - how much more is He ready to forgive us...over and over again?

At our bible study, I shared a story that Mark Lowry (from the Gaither Band) used from a time on his tour bus:

Bus Driver: "Boy, I'd love to come back to God, but I was raised in church, but I can't do it.  I've just gone too far."

Mark: "Well, have you ever got a woman pregnant then murdered her husband to cover it up?"

[insert awkward pause and stare]

Bus Driver: "Not yet."

Mark: "Well, king David did... and God still said he's a man after my own heart."

I will trust and rest in the Lord and remember that "the Lord is CLOSE to the brokenhearted and SAVES those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

~Luke